the end

After many back and fourth arguments the judge sentences me to death. I'm not surprised. Death should be easy. I wonder if in heaven I have to worry about being a poor, dumb, negro. Max fought hard and well for me. I'm not scared of death or even dying. I made my mistakes and I made my choices. I AM HUMAN, I make mistakes. I am willing to accept that. I hope Jan can forgive me. I am ready to die. I understand my place in the world now.

confess.

Jail is like living in a world with no day, no night, and no fear or hatred, emotions are useless to me now. I wonder if the white people are right, am I just an animal? Do I not belong to this species. I'm going to be used as a example their going to kill me and let everyone watch so that way the blacks won't dare do what I did. I'm hungry and tired. I fainted in front of the whole court room and I was in the newspaper. Worst of all my whole family came to visit me while the Dalton's were over the look in my mom's eyes almost ripped my heart right out of my chest. I signed the confession... I'm nothing now.

running.

Sorry I haven't written in a while so much has been going on. The police and Mr. Dalton know that I killed Mary so does everyone else. To make things even worse I killed Bessie too. Though killing Bessie was something I had to do, Mary was an accident. Being on the run is really hard especially when all my money is with Bessie's cold and dead body. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm stuck in a corner with no way to turn. I've trapped myself with my lies and constant crimes. I don't know which way to turn, where to go, who to trust. I need to kill. I need to control something in my life for once. I'm tired of being this quite, stupid, black boy.

Reelization

I can't believe I really killed Mary, how did this even happen. I swear it was an accident. Should I even tell anyone. Was it even an accident. Maybe it wasn't an accident. I mean I'm black and she's white. Black people are animals we have no respect for anything. I consciously killed Mary. A little part of me always burned with the thought of taking control. White people think they can do whatever they want but their wrong. I killed a white woman and I got away with it. And if the police try to come for me I'll pretend I have no idea what's going on. They will never know it's me Mr. Dalton would never think it was me. What do I do..... of course! I'll pin it all on Jan that's exactly what I'll do.

What have I done

We got back to the Dalton's and Mary was way to drunk to walk herself to her room. I helped her in and when we got in her room i kissed her and started feeling her. Then suddenly Mrs.Dalton walked in and i covered Mary's face with a pillow. Mrs.Dalton prayed near her bed and then walked out. I panicked and then noticed Mary had died, I had killed her. I didn't mean to it was a total accident. I stuffed her in a trunk and carried her down to the furnace, i decided to burn her body. She wouldn't fit all the way so i made arrangements.

Mary and her friend

Mary entered the car and told me that she has other plans and is not going to the university. I meet her friend and she introduces me to her. I feel that they are making fun of me behind my back which makes me furious i can't handle it. They get in the car and i drive them to Ernie's kitchen shack. They want me to eat with them which makes me feel very horrified. I eat very angrily and mary cries because she feels that she has made me feel bad.We all drank rum together and they asked me of my back round. I then drive around the park while they make out in the backseat. It was a very weird evening.

My interview

Today i watched the sunset from my apartment and waited to go to the interview with Mr.Dalton. I had a gun wiht me and thought about taking it back home but instead i brought it with me. I felt it was a good idea to bring protection just incase. I walked up to the daltons mansion and did'nt know whether to go throught the front door or the back. I built up enoguh courage to go through the front. In the interview i felt very uncomfortable my answers to his question were all yessuh and nawsuh. Thats practically all that came out of my mouth.

Gus and me scrapped today

Gus was talking about me being nervous and you know what I aint! He was walkign up the street so i decided to do something to him, i kicked him hard. He fell flat on his face then Gus said "he's gonna fix me one of these days." I told him to say it again then i grabbed him by the collar. I grabbed him then i swung and knocked him right in the back of the head. I told everyone I'll kill him i threw him to the floor and pulled a knife on him. I placed the knife to his throat then i put it to his mouth. I made him put his hands up and circled the knife around his stomach, i was teachin him a lesson. I was just joking with him in the end and told him he was a fool. Everyone was laughing at my nonsense.

Thinking

I have been thinking about robbing blum a lot. I have some fear about committing the robbery and if everything will go smoothly or not. I went to the movies with jack today and we talked about the interview with Mr.Dalton. My feelings are that i would rather go to jail then work for a relief agency. While watching the movie i was thinking about accepting the job but i really don't know.

The Big Black Rat

Today, I was awaken by my momma to get ready for the long day ahead. As my brother,sister,momma, and i were getting dressed my mother screeched at the top of her lungs. She pointed to the corner of the room were i noticed a large black rat. My sister and mother were very nervous and ran to the other sideof the room. My brother and I took charge, my brother guarded the door with an iron skillet while I snuck up on the rat. My brother covered its hole with a box and then all of the sudden the rat jumped onto my trousers! I shook him off as hard as i could then grabbed the skillet swung it and missed.. I was furious. The rat ran while i followed, then all the sudden stopped on the box. I grabbed the skillet and with all my force swung it. I had got the rat..i felt some sympathy but in all i felt accomplished. I scared my sister with the rat and then my mom yelled to take it out. I took out the rat what a morning that was!